Preperations and Safety

Finally, for the first time on the internet, there is a direct line from my brain, to you, the impressionable reader. But before we start our journey to enlightenment we must first take every precaution to ensure we do not get lost or injured along the way. Since there is a high percentage chance that this will indeed happen, despite our best efforts, we should make sure that we have all our safety gear, and procedures in order. No one wants be caught out in the rain with out their rain gear. That, and trust me from experience, is the start to a miserable day.


Map and Compass, and adeqaute knowledge of how to use them. - It's a Jungle in here. Believe me. I have lived here near 25 years now and no amount of mind altering drugs, meditation, or 2x4's has been able to help me navigate thru life better than a map and compass. GPS systems are highly over rated and may work well in a concrete jungle with cell phones and 5 dollar coffees, but we're in the bush, and since accuracy is important its best to save those for directions to the nearest Starbucks. Set Compass declination to 19.2


Proper foot wear. There is a variety of foot wear to choose from. Having good ankle support is crucial as well as being water proof. I recommend cork boots with bama socks. ( cork boots are basically rubber boots with golf spikes on the bottom) Bailing on a wet log is painful and embarrassing, and cork boots go a long way in preventing that. If you find them too bulky, a decent set of hiking boots will do just fine. Spend the money. You get what you pay for.


Toilet Paper. - Self explanatory. Moss works well too. It's like using baby wipes. Also, its a good fire starter.


A towel. - If its good enough for the galaxy, its good enough for anything here on earth. (see "Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams.)


First Aid Kit. Containing - band aides, candle, water proof matches, single shot of whiskey, (preferably the cheap, awful tasting kind) a couple cigarettes, gauss, a sharp knife, anti-septic, and a photo of a loved one, or Jessica Alba.
Proper clothing. Wet wick on the inside, wool on the out side. Be prepared for all 4 seasons.


Safety First.
Always let some one know where you are going, and when you expect to be returning. You cant be found if no one knows you've even left. If you do find your self lost, the first thing to do is chastise yourself for not knowing how to properly use your map and compass. After that, remain calm. YOU ALREADY MADE IT THIS FAR. Do not stay where you are. Your not a 5 year old at Disneyland, and there will be no PA announcement to let everyone know you are incapable of finding your way, asking you to report to the nearest security gate. Instead, start walking down hill towards a likely location of a drainage system. Follow the system down until it merges with a bigger stream or river. Follow the river down until you get to a highway, road or some sort of settlement. Call your mother up and tell her how much you love her.


Be bear aware. Bears are territorial and most encounters can be negotiated by remaining calm and backing up slowly. Bears will charge but its a bluff, so hold you ground and make yourself look as big as possible. Never turn your back on the bear. This will work for 95% of bear encounters you may have. If The bear happens to be aggressive and attack, curl up in the fetal position crap your pants and hope for the best. In the rare occasion that grizzly bear continues to attack, fight for your life while making your peace with god. After the bear encounter is over have one of your emergency cigarettes to help lower your heart rate.


Should you become injured in the bush use the appropriate articles in the first aide kit to address the injury. If the injury requires more attention then what you have in your first aide kit, take the shot of whiskey, grab the photo of your loved one, or Jessica Alba and enjoy your last smoke. You just weren't cut out for this sort of thing.


Now that we're all prepared and ready, it's time to start the adventure. So get a good night sleep, and eat a hardy breakfast, we leave at dawn.