Obligatory Election Blog

It’s election time! And that means Canadians are going to have to shell out $300 million so that our country can stay on the same course that it is already on. I would be really surprised to see any substantial changes to the house, besides a few new faces on the back bench and possibly a few more left leaning seats. 

It’s a numbers game. Even a CreComm student can preform this simple math without a calculator. Thirty-five per cent of the population will vote for the Conservatives, another 40 will vote for the NDP and Liberals, the Bloc will take their fair share, and maybe an independent or two will win a seat. 

So what’s the point in having an election? Harper wants his majority, and who could blame him. He wants that power, which continuously falls through his minority government’s grasp so hey may to initiate his Bush like policies with dictator like authority. Why does he want to take Canada down this path? Well, I don’t know why exactly, but he seems to think it’s a good idea. 

When he has to preform background checks at people attending his own rally, and refuses to field more than five media questions a day, one can only assume that something is up. His actions as of late don’t exactly radiate “trust” in my eyes, and I would assume as well, in those of the people in the country he led (leads).  

Ignatieff? Doesn’t exactly strike me as the “leader” type either. Though charming and seemingly sincere, I would not want that man at the negotiating table when this bru-haha regarding Arctic sovereignty heats up. When that happens, this country needs someone with the gonads to tell China–yes China– Russia and the Americans to “get the fuck out.” Having a fleet of F-35s would probably won’t hurt either. 

I can not stand Jack Layton. I don’t care what his policies are, I will never vote for that man. He reminds me of that neighbour’s dog who just barks for the sake of barking. And like that neighbour’s dog, I would not hesitate to kick him in the teeth given the opportunity if I thought it would shut him up. 

So what do we do? What direction should this country take? Well, that is an answer that I do not have. I know what I would do, but I’m not even remotely qualified to have an opinion, let alone put that opinion into action. What I am comfortable in proposing are alternative ways to go about this election. 

Rather than cut corners on social programs, the military and healthcare to pay for this pointless election, let us cut corners on the election itself, and invest the money in something that might actually make a difference.

This way, the leaders can still bask in the glory of the sound their own voice, while continuing to fling shit back and forth at each other for the enjoyment of Canadians cost to cost. 

Vote via Twitter – Why not? It’s easy, cheap, and will go along way in getting that youth vote out from its hiding spot.

Each party is assigned NHL team – Liberals get the Leafs, Conservatives get the Flames, NDP can have Senators, Block obviously gets the Habs and the Green Party can have the Winnipeg Jets when they finally come back.

A pissing contest – That is essentially what an election is, isn’t it? Might as well buy a couple cases of beer and see who can most legibly draw the political boundary of Canada. My money is on Elizabeth May.

Vote by phone – This can actually kill two birds with one stone. Everyone registers a code on their census which will in turn be inputed over the phone lines when it comes time to vote. If you don’t fill out your census, you don’t vote. Simple.

Roll up The Rim – All the candidates from each ridding meet at their local Tim Hortons and start drinking coffee. First one to win a free coffee wins. Only problem is that this could actually drag on for a few days, and might end up costing more than the $300 million.

Okay, so I never really posted anything substantial, but if you came here looking for insightful analysis that’s your own fult. I had to do an election post and I figured it would be best to get it all out in one shot. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations. I hope you enjoyed, and remember to get out there and vote. 

Because, even though your vote doesn’t actually matter, you are paying for it.